| (no subject) |
[Oct. 13th, 2009|09:45 am] |
After some reflection this weekend, I've realized that the inanity of writing down the event's of one's day is helpful. I have not been good at keeping up in this lately, but I want to try to do better. Grand ideas and insights are rare, but that's okay. Those are not necessary attributes of a journal entry.
( And so, inanity written Sunday night )
( Yesterday ) |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 6th, 2009|06:31 pm] |
For the first time in a long time, I can look you straight in the eye and tell you that I am Happy.
Jeremy, the professor with whom I'm working, told me that he wanted to upgrade me from a volunteer lab assistant to a paid lab assistant. I'm getting paid to do things I love. He invited me to come to the Ecology and Evolutionary Biology weekly Happy Hour today, and I got free beer and free pizza and schmoozed around with grad students.
I'm fortunate enough to be part of a group of students designing a group independent study on mycology, the study of fungi.
I'm co-pledgemaster for a class of twenty-one pledges.
I have a fun part in a laid-back show and this weekend I'll be auditioning for something more intense (Macbeth/Coriolanus).
Oh yeah. And there's this girl.
(: |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Feb. 11th, 2009|12:12 am] |
I don't have the slightest idea what I'm supposed to do.
The last few days have been unbearably bizarre. Surreal even. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 17th, 2008|04:40 am] |
I was fifteen years old. I will be twenty.
My mother is a fish. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 24th, 2008|01:09 pm] |
Listening to Motion City Soundtrack tends to remind me of late spring 2006, the wind blowing in my face with the windows down, screaming as loud as I could with a huge smile on my face.
Give me a reason to end this discussion
Late spring 2006. I'd never been drunk. I was excited to start a mentorship at George Washington University. Am-World. APs finished.
It's so strange and surreal and feels so far from where I am now and I can barely fathom how I felt.
Work work work, truck along, hope that you get that occasional A that will sustain the belief that you're still good at this.
Do you still read the newspaper? Do you understand how important it is, imperative even, that you read the newspaper?
Do you understand how important it is to never, ever, ever stop thinking? Even until it hurts, even until it makes you want to kill yourself, never stop thinking.
Is this what I should be doing?
It is not silly to be going through the identity crisis of late adolescence.
My hair is almost long enough to cover my eyes.
It's messy as sin. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Oct. 16th, 2008|12:26 am] |
Sometimes, I feel like math is the only certainty I have.
And then I realize that it isn't certainty at all. It's just contrived jabber.
For once, I'm not scared or worried or concerned about my life. Just the society that's crumbling around us. Jack and I got to discussing whether hipsters are a sign of the deterioration or progress of our culture (apparently a hot topic in some academic circles). We both agreed the former. A symptom of apathy, standing for nothing and being proud in their nihilism. Irony repeated enough times turns meaning on its head.
The anti-emo riots in Mexico were riots against a culture of no substance, built by an industry, designed to sell.
We're on the verge of starting over.
There are those that say that the Roman Empire never fell. Which is true to some extent.
America isn't going to disappear, our country won't go up in smoke. We'll just fade away into the annals of history.
You know that entry I wrote in my old journal about wanting to go into the woods by myself and simultaneously wanting to be part of the cultural elite?
I'm starting to favor the former. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Sep. 30th, 2008|04:34 pm] |
|
I am amazed that I lived through senior year. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 25th, 2008|10:30 am] |
Two duffle bags, a box, a guitar, a saxophone, and of course two pieces of carry-on baggage.
I feel unspectacular. Boring even.
There are scholarship essays that I should do and some professors whom I should email. It's all about developing a routine, something to get lost in so that you can forget about all the petty shit that crowds your mind.
My life as of late has been characterized by bursts of inspiration followed by long periods of laziness and apathy. I haven't been able to sustain and that disappoints me. I don't understand what I'm getting hung up on.
So lay down
The threat is real
When his sight goes red again
I love how the Cake song "Frank Sinatra" references the microwave background of the Big Bang.
I've developed this impatience with my speed of thought. To the point where I often think that struggling to communicate my ideas is not worth it. This is strange.
An acute sense of observation requires patience. The first thoughts, impressions, aren't always the best, but if you stick with them, mine them, you will discover truth. I trust in this, I have faith in this. I have faith in the persistence of dreams and aspirations as much as I have faith in my tendency to revert to self-loathing. If I hurt myself, no one else could possibly hurt me more. This is simple, and at the root of so much.
When you let someone else in, when you let them breath your spirit and pump your blood, they are you and you are they. And what started as an exercise in being lost in someone else becomes the misadventure of being lost in yourself.
I keep on thinking that I will laugh at all these entries as being melodramatic and emo. But I never have, because they've never stopped making sense.
An observation: "The glove compartment isn't accurately named and everybody knows it."
A song: "Title and Registration"
Transatlanticism is a beautiful album.
I need you so much closer |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Aug. 21st, 2008|12:48 pm] |
I found a thinking paper I wrote my senior year about falling in love. I'd forgotten about it. I thought the only "falling in love" thinking paper that I had ever written was the one I read out loud in sophomore English class.
The one I wrote senior year is amusing me to no end. Apparently I was trying to convince myself that falling in love in high school was worth it under the pretense of defending serious high school relationships. At the time I was under the impression that I was being sincere, but I'm fairly certain that's not true.
DENIAL, HOW YOU HAVE WORKED SO WELL FOR ME! My favorite quote from this particular paper:
Who cares about the emotional baggage, the inevitable finality, or the prospect of becoming a bitter ex-boy/girlfriend?
Touche, senior Phil, touche. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 28th, 2008|05:55 pm] |
|
mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 20th, 2008|01:00 am] |
Goddamn.
Watching Californication is.
Jesus Christ. Everything is the same. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jun. 20th, 2008|01:07 am] |
|
Seriously. xkcd as of late has been the story of my life. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jun. 5th, 2008|10:29 pm] |
You know that feeling you get after a good party? Not a college WE'RE GOING TO GET CRUNK party, but a party where you're actually socializing and bonding and stuff. Anyway, the feeling I'm referring to isn't the feeling of, "Oh Yay! That was a good party" so much as "Shit. Now I'm all alone after spending time with people I really like a lot."
That particular brand of loneliness is what I've felt for the past five days and it's not going away. It's getting to the point where I'm getting really, really pissed off about it.
Goddammit. I really don't know how I'm supposed to get out of this. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jun. 5th, 2008|08:25 pm] |
|
running out of time running out of time running out of time |
|
|
| bwahahahaaaa |
[May. 25th, 2008|12:33 pm] |
A first draft of a song I am calling, "Into William"
I like girls who're into William Shakespeare
I met this girl at a coffee bar
We started talking and I thought I was getting pretty far
She was into art, into her little black beret
And she smelled like she smoked 50 packs a day
But when I asked her to tell me which problem play was her favorite
She just stared and me and asked what the hell I was talking about
I guess that didn't end so well
I like girls who're into William Shakespeare
Who've read a little more than "Romeo and Juliet"
It turns me on
It makes my head spin baby right round like record right
Round about the cauldron go in the poison'd entrails throw
Right round
I saw this girl at a dance party
She turned her head and started starin' at me
We began to dance the night away
But when the music stopped I didn't know what to say
So I asked her if she wanted to see
Richard III downtown with me
She said, "No I would love to honey but
I hate that William Shakespeare
I hate that William Shakespeare
I hate that William Shakespeare
A girl, a girl, a kingdom for a girl
I like girls who're into William Shakespeare
Who still aren't tired of "Midsummer Night's Dream"
It turns me on
It makes my head spin baby right round like record right
Round about the cauldron go in the poison'd entrails throw
Right round
It can't possibly be that hard
To find someone who's in love with the bard
I just want my summer's day
Not this winter of discontent
I like girls who're into William Shakespeare
Who can quote Hamlet by Act and Scene
It turns me on
It makes my head spin baby right round like record right
Round about the cauldron go in the poison'd entrails throw
Round about the cauldron go in the poison'd entrails throw
Round about the cauldron go, round about the cauldron go, round about the cauldron go
Three chord power rock. Cheesy and Dorky. I'll let it sit for awhile before I work on it a little more. But I mean, I came up with the concept about 2 hours ago and this is what I came up with. :D D :D
Fucking sweet. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[May. 2nd, 2008|12:43 am] |
DGSD
DGLD
RGSD
My life has gotten more chaotic and all I can think about is sex. That is what those letters mean.
( yeah. )
I'm sorry for being like this. I'm sorry. I really am. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 22nd, 2008|09:22 am] |
Need more to be wanted
or
Want more to be needed
Not that those are the only options. But the ones that are weighing the most on my mind right now. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Apr. 20th, 2008|09:28 pm] |
Oh consequences.
I'm tired, I didn't celebrate 4/20, and I have no idea how the hell I'm going to write this goddamn paper.
Whine whine whine, bitch bitch bitch. Bottom line is that this is my fault.
On the bright side, Leah made a silk-screened tee-shirt of a unicorn in a narwhal's stomach. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
wake_in_hell's journal